September 05, 2005 - loving my three-year-old -
Three is such a rough age. I've discovered that antagonism that I pooh-poohed when Everett's language was still so sweet. I've come to the point where I actually fight with my son, where we look at each other, teeth clenched, eyes wide, tempers boiling. We're so much alike, both so stubborn, both so easily forgivable.
It's a constant pattern: Everett gets bored, or wants attention. He asks for it, quietly, with a minorly aggressive gesture. I don't give him enough, or fast enough, and it erupts. He hits me, or screams, or hits his brother. And we spiral. I shout, threaten punishment, turn off the TV, refuse to play his game. He tries some of his other tricks. I tell him "I'm done with you!" and move to take him to his room. He immediately kowtows, literally kissing my ankles (or whatever's in easiest reach).
I know what needs to happen here, and it's not easy - nor is it complex. Everett needs more, and better, attention. Although preschool will help - I think a more present mama will also help. I need to get organized, to do my work in short bursts, during naps and favorite TV programs. I need to then shut off the TV, avoiding those commercials that prompt "I want that toy!" (or even better, "I want...what is that? yeah, I want it!")
It's time for more, and better, activities. For park trips in which Everett really gets to play. For playdates while Truman's napping. For reading more books every day, for doing arts and crafts, for scheduled outings.
Oh, I'm not an awful mom, we bake together and read a lot and we've started to just lie on the floor and talk sometimes - about imagination, and fears, and made-up stories involving trains, ghosts, dinosaurs and dragons (yes, usually all in the same story). We dance and make up (terrible, tuneless, barely rhyming) songs. But I'm not doing it enough, and too often I'm saying, "when I'm done with my work we'll..." or "after Truman's done eating I'll..."
I'm not entirely sure that better attention is possible. But I sure need to try.
