September 04, 2005 - preschool -
"What do you do at preschool, Everett?" someone asked at church today.
"Ummm...wash my hands, and play."
So it is. Everett is loving his new preschool, and he's learning stuff. Mostly, he's learned to wash his hands. He's also learned the finer points of red light, green light.
The hand-washing wasn't easy. Jenny, the teacher, insisted that he wash his hands before snack and lunch. And he wasn't going for it the first few days. He waited until he was absolutely starving, and wouldn't sit down. Finally, the fourth day, he told me on the drive to preschool, "I don't want to wash my hands before I have a snack." And that day, he did wash his hands, and it wasn't an issue again.
So far, he hasn't learned much (the curriculum begins this week). But he's loved it, and he's so good about putting things away before he leaves instead of screaming that he wants to take them home - and we've only had one major separation issue, and it wasn't the separation from me. It was separation from preschool. His second day, he screamed for 20 minutes before he'd let me buckle him in his car seat. Jenny patiently helped us, and I have to explain further because it was brilliant - and so, so not something that's easy for a parent to do.
Everett refused to sit down in his seat, and my strength could only manage to get him in the car; getting into the seatbelt was another matter altogether. Instead of making it a struggle of wills, Jenny picked a plum off the tree and offered it to him. "You'll have to sit down in your seat to eat it, though," she said quietly. "It's very juicy and it would be messy if you're not sitting down." When Everett refused to sit, she'd offer the plum to Ananya (her daughter), or me. We'd all eaten two or three plums each by the time Everett finally settled down and sat in his seat, of his own accord.
Here is why this works: the power struggle went away. It was no longer a battle between Everett and I to see who was stronger, and whether or not we could get his seatbelt on. It was a decision, that he was free to make, or not, about whether or not he wanted to eat a plum. A completely new issue that had nothing to do with leaving his beloved preschool.
Since that day, we haven't had an issue. He never wants to leave, but instead of me having to carry him kicking and screaming out of the door, we usually find a toy that he wants to hide in a special place for next time. He makes sure his toy is safe, and we're on our way. He's being so good. And then we get home... but that's another story.
