May 14, 2005 - becoming a big brother -
Everett's growing up. There's no doubt about that. Given his recent morph into a big brother, he's also regressing in some annoying ways.
I'm simultaneously delighted by his cuteness and grown-upness, and mourning the loss of my toddler, and frustrated over his complete lack of control-ability.
Take that word, "frustrated." Everett's been using that word, only it's variously "fraid" and "rated." And he knows exactly what it means. Like today. We went to the farmer's market, me for some strange reason thinking it would be possible to control Everett and carry Truman and some delicious farm-fresh delicacies. Not! Anyway, I would ask him to go my way, and he would yell that he was going his way, and stomp his whole body in his unique 3-year-old way, and tell me that he was "fraid with you!"
The big brother thing is simultaneously wonderful and terrible. He's terrifically sweet with Truman, asking if he can pet him, giving him hugs and kisses fit to beat the band. He wants to hold him and giggles over how cute his little feet and little toes are. But then...
He's terrible with mama and daddy, lashing out, having what seems like terrific separation anxiety if I so much as walk to the door with my bag. "I wanna go WITH you!" he'll wail. If anyone but me tries to comfort a crying Everett, or offer him something when he's tired, he'll scream, "NO, my MAMA!" and run around desperately searching for me, tripping over things and losing his way in his terror. He hits me. And bites me. And showers me with kisses and cuddles and has to touch me every minute. And then it's back to defiance.
And then someone will talk to Everett about Truman, and it's all sweetness again. "Do you have a little baby brother there?" a man at the doughnut shop asked. "No, it's just Truman!" he said happily.
I love the two of them together, but it's exhausting. I'm looking very forward to the day when they really can play together, and Everett knows I'm not leaving him for the new baby, and this is all over. When will that be again?
